Common Misconceptions of Non dieting and Body Acceptance

The non diet approach to ending food, body size and weight obession is not an excuse to not deal with the issue. On the contrary, one must fully deal with the issue and face it squarely in order to have recovery.

The non diet approach to ending the obsession with food, body size and weight is not an opportunity to just binge and binge and not care about it.Or for the anorexic, to just starve and starve. Allowing oneself to tune into the body takes courage and gives one the responsibility to be aware, no matter what is going on with food or obsessions.

The non diet approach does not mean you have to eat "junk" food all day and never eat a salad or a piece of fish. It does mean you get to experiment and find what feels best for you and your body.

What Accepting and Loving Your Body Means

Accepting your body just the way it is does not mean that you have to like it. Accepting and loving your body just the way it is does not mean that you will not ever feel like you want it be any other way than how it is now. It means trusting that for whatever reason, today, this moment, this is the body you have. It is your home, it is sacred, it deserves your care and respect, no matter what. It deserves your love. What does loving your body mean? Love is a word that many do not understand, but for me it means noticing when I am not being loving, when I am being critical, judgemental and controlling. Letting go of that behavior and choosing new behavior like compassion and respecting actions, behaviors and thoughts are what is needed. Sometimes, I don't know how to be that way with myself or others. This is where I ask for help, from friends on the path or through my prayers. When I am fully present (not in obsessive thoughts and fears) to myself I feel acceptance and love for my body. Prayer and meditation help this. Learning to practice being present, as in the work of Eckhart Tolle is very powerful.

If I have trouble being respectful and loving with my body and I am overeating or not moving it enough and it feels bad, then I do not get to chastise myself for that. I realize that I am learning how to be loving and respectful of my body. I am learning how to care for it. I get to give myself a break and let go of controlling ways to be with myself. I get to learn how to be a good mother to myself. Gently guiding myself to new ways to care for myself. I see that the old ways of self care are not serving me, but they are all I knew how to do. I forgive myself. This is not easy to do, but entriely possible.

Facing the Fear of Losing Control

Many find it too scarey to let go of controlling their body and food. To trust that it knows better than any body else what it needs, when it has not had that experience for a long time or perhaps ever, is absolute blasphemy in our world of diets, thin obsession, nutrition experts and medical experts.

Recovery is measured differently with the non diet approach. It is a non linear process and the signs of recovery are not measured by body size. Body size may or may not change.

Some Signs of My Recovery

I can eat something and not freak out as much or at all that it will make me fat or cause an allergic reaction, even if it does. I say I am sorry to myself if I have a reaction and do not dwell on it. I am over it quicker. I deal with what is really going on with me underneath the obsession.

If I binge I get over it quicker. I say I am sorry to myself that I could not do anything else. I do not beat myself for it as much. Again, I look for what I was trying to avoid with the food.

I feel the feelings that my obsession with my body or food was covering up. My main feeling is anxiety and fear. I also have depression to do with. I deal with these now.

I spend less time in front of the mirror being critical of my body.

I am less critical of others bodies.

I am more spiritually aware.

My fear of food is diminishing.

I can take or leave a food more and more.

I eat a wide variety of foods.

Food is less of an issue in my life.

I have stopped binging and purging.

Where I need to Grow

I still feel afraid of gaining weight because I let myself eat whatever I want. My fears are fueled by these many mistaken beliefs such as:

I can never trust my body because I am toxic, full of candida and food allergies. I am beginning to see that I have created a lot of these symptoms out of fear of fat and food, this leads to extremes in eating for me, then binging and guilt. This in not to say that candida or food allergies do not exist, it is just that one with an eating disorder and fear of fat need to be careful with this type of thinking and realize the danger in being restictive and affirming foods as bad for you.

I can never trust my body because like an alcoholic, I am a food addict. I have done my worst binging over this thought. Lots of yo-yoing (which is very dangerous and causes weight gain by lowering metabolism) and tremendous guilt and obsession with this belief. It is a self fufiling very fear based belief, reinforced, unfortunately and tragically, by thousands of people in 12 step food programs.

Being fat is ugly, unnattractive and unhealthy. (Read the book Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon )

No one will love me if I am fat.

I think this last belief is so deep and drives most, if not the whole eating disorder. It really is about fear of not being loved at all. I got attention for being thin or pretty all my life. When I am heavier, I don't get as much attention for my looks. I have depended on that to fill my need for love, which I don't feel I have enough of from childhood. I miss the actual love that is in my life when I am focused on myself and my percieved lack. Allowing true intimacy and love in is also terrorfying. It hurts because my heart is so broken from emptiness. When love touches it, I feel the loss. But to heal, I need to allow true love in and risk the hurt. I need to not be so needy for attention for externals and more open to true love. This is happening at a pace I can handle.

I Cannot do this Work Alone/Spirituality

I am learning that I don't have to do it all alone. I can let go of obsession and live my life. I can reach out and get help for anything. I don't have to stay a scared little girl, all alone. I can take care of her. How? By being taking manageable steps, small ones if need be, taking it a moment at a time, breathing and trusting. Asking to be shown, to see, to hear and to speak what my Spirit wants to express. I don't have to do it perfectly either.

The fruits of this work happen in their own time. We cannot control the process just like we cannot really successfully control our bodies or what we eat without white knuckling and feeling awful.

My prayer is that anyone who has ever struggled with this issue find peace with it. My prayer is that we end this societal addiction to diets, binging, starving and body obsession. I pray that we find our true selves, our spirit or wisdom within and we learn to trust it. I ask that we let go more and more and live in trust and faith. I affirm that we begin to value ourselves and each other for more than what we look like, what we have achieved or what we have materially.